8 Questions to Ask When Selecting Music for a Funeral or Memorial Service - Trigard (2024)

• Jill Darby
• March 2, 2021
• 9:00 am
• No Comments

Music can be one of the most powerful parts of a funeral or memorial service and plays a key role in giving a loved one a proper, final farewell. It sets the tone for services by providing a unified platform for family and friends to support one another in their time of grief.

Investing time and thought into selecting music that reflects the life of the person who passed away can help create a heartwarming, memorable ceremony. Funeral music has the ability to stir many emotions and allows memories of special times spent with the deceased to resurface.

While there are not any steadfast rules for choosing music for end of life services, outlined below are 8 questions you can ask yourself to help streamline the decision making process.

1. How many songs will be played?

Ideally, three to four songs should be played at a service. A more somber selection usually commences the service. A song that helps tell the story of a loved one’s life is generally played after the eulogy and possibly after a reading. Ceremonies are then concluded with a faster paced tune that has a more upbeat melody intended to lift the spirits of departing guests.

2. What genres of music should be played?

Historically, some parameters existed as to the style of music deemed appropriate for funeral services. Veering away from traditional, more subdued music is certainly acceptable in today’s society. Musical genres have evolved from classical to include varieties such as rock, pop, and the fastest growing style, country.

Regardless of the music’s genre, a good practice is to listen to all songs that will be played at a funeral in their entirety. Always be mindful of the potential thoughts and feelings of funeral guests by making sure the selections are comforting and tasteful.

3. Would live or recorded music be better?

When selecting music for services, one of the first things to decide is how it will be delivered to funeral attendees.

For families who prefer prerecorded music, most funeral homes have song collections available in a variety of genres to choose from. If you need a little extra help making decisions, don’t hesitate to ask your funeral director for guidance.

Sometimes a musically inclined family member or friend is invited to sing or play an instrument at the ceremony. Another idea is to have a person close to the deceased perform a song specifically written for the occasion. This can especially pull on the audience’s heartstrings.

For ceremonies held in a church, including a choir brings a spirited richness that can be evocative in many ways. Regardless of where services are conducted, hiring a soloist or band is always an option. Although no longer a staple at services, organ music can also be played.

Last but not least, don’t dismiss the option of including an instrumental piece; as songs without lyrics are considered universal and can be quite moving. Also, keep in mind that some funerals have a mixture of recorded and live music making for a more diversified service.

4. What was my loved one’s musical taste?

Knowing the musical preferences of the person who passed away can be very helpful when selecting songs for their funeral. If the deceased happened to be a musician, a nice touch would be to play a song he or she liked to sing or composed.

If you are unsure what type of music your loved one gravitated toward listening to, you may be able to find old records, tapes or CD’s in their home that would indicate their taste in music. Or, perhaps you recently rode in a car with the person who passed away and can recall the tunes playing on their radio.

5. Will the ceremony be a celebration of life?

Celebrations of Life, which are more lively and less formal than traditional funeral services, are becoming more common. The music played can help paint the picture of the deceased’s life in a personalized, more joyful way.

The Darby family owns funeral homes in East Central Illinois and West Central Indiana as well as Sun City, Arizona. Our funeral directors have shared stories about the unique ways a loved one’s life passions were incorporated into the services using music.

“A family I recently served had us play ‘YMCA’ and invited their guests to stand up and join them in dancing. The deceased was a fun-loving lady who enjoyed dancing. Her toddler great-grandson stole the show and it was a beautiful tribute and a true celebration of her life.”
– Tessa Tucker, Funeral Director, Sunset Funeral Home in Danville, IL

“On more than one occasion, a family requested we play the ‘Go Cubs Go’ theme song at the end of the service. It’s always a hit amongst the family and guests; immediately lightening the mood. The entire chapel sings along, while laughing and chatting.”
– Marinna Mendoza, Funeral Director, Sunset Funeral Home in Danville, IL

6. Will religion be part of the services?

Religious funeral ceremonies are more structured and often follow certain musical traditions.

In 2019, 65% of Americans identified themselves as Christians. The hymns and psalms played at Christian funeral services tend to be worship oriented and focus on the deceased’s entry into Heaven with intentions of offering comfort to the bereaved. In recent years, sub genres of Christian music such as contemporary and rock are played in addition to, and in some cases, in lieu of typical “church” music.

Always be sure to share your musical selections with clergy prior to services. Some religions do not allow secular music and often have additional guidelines pertaining to music as well. The Church of Christ, for example will not allow musical instruments to be played during services. The Jewish religion does not promote music to be played at funerals since it is viewed as celebratory and joyous. Music is also rarely played at Muslim funerals.

7. How will cultural influences be incorporated?

For families who have close ties to their heritage and cultural backgrounds, certain customs are often part of the music played at funerals and memorial services.

President John F. Kennedy was the first person known to refer to the United States as “the land of immigrants.” With much truth lying in this statement, it makes sense for rituals from around the world to be incorporated into American funeral services.

Bagpipes are regularly played at a funeral of someone from Scottish or Irish descent. They can also be played at the funerals of first responders. Although not as common as they once were, jazz funerals with brass parades are sometimes part of ceremonies in New Orleans.

Dancing and chanting regularly accompanies joyous music at end of life ceremonies in countries such as Mexico, New Zealand, and Ghana. In Asian-American cultures a band joins the procession from the funeral home to the cemetery.

8. Was the deceased in the military?

Funerals for members of the United States Armed Forces include the playing of taps at the end of services to express deep gratitude for the deceased’s service. Typically, this takes place at the cemetery, but can also be done outside of the funeral home or church if there will not be a graveside service. Taps, which is also known as America’s song of remembrance, gets its name from the three distinguished drum taps which symbolize “lights out.”

Additional patriotic and military related songs can also be played at services.

• “America the Beautiful”
• “Dixie’s Land”
• “The Stars and Stripes Forever”
• “You’re a Grand Old Flag”
• “Semper Paratus”

The Profound Impact of Music

It’s inevitable for family and friends to experience some sadness at funerals so playing a lighthearted, cheerful song or two is always well received by guests. According to Psychology Today, a study conducted at the McGill University in Canada found that listening to enjoyable music results in our brain releasing the “feel good” neurotransmitter, dopamine.

Music, whether it be happy or sad, has the ability to trigger physical reactions as well. It is not uncommon to get the chills, goosebumps, or even have shivers sent down your spine when listening to music.

Making song selections is one of the most significant and poignant parts of planning an unforgettable memorial or funeral service. A song’s delivery, lyrics, and melodies have the ability to convey messages of hope that can open pathways to begin the healing process. Most importantly, carefully selected music will help engrain a positive mental picture of your loved one and their life’s journey for many years to come.

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